The head and the heart work together

My blog is personal. And kind of cheesy. But that's me. I'm a sentimental guy. And this post will tell you why.

I have a big heart. And I show it any chance I can. But it's not just my heart that makes me love people as much as I do. My thoughts and mind do a lot too.

I think so much. Sooo much. Up to the point where it might be too much. But the reason I do, is not because I think about the philosophies of the world or make a new equation to save the world. I think of people, and what they are going through and their lives.

I honestly care so much about people. I'm not your average guy. I could sit and listen to people's problems all day and love it because I feel like I'm helping them in a way. I always can tell when someone is having a hard day or isn't their selves and I want to try my best to help them out. I hate disappointing people. I always love to be around people and just have a good time with them.

This gift I have, I feel like a lot of guys don't have. None of my friends think the way I do or notice a lot of the things I just described. And to be honest, I am glad. Because it makes me feel special and I feel a better connection with people than usual. But sometimes this gift can be a curse. I have been hurt so many times by people (mostly girls) but they will never know how much they've hurt me or what I'm truly feeling. They don't think like I do. But I always wish they do. I am a soft guy and I hope that'll come in handy one day. But right now, it has been a burden. I want to just find a girl that I can fully trust. That I can say anything to, and she'll understand. And someone that will show her love towards me and just be like me, thoughtful and sentimental.

I know I have been kind of complaing in this post and now you all think I am a softie, but hey, think what you want. I can be hard on the outside and tough, but once you come into my life, you'll realize how much I care about you. If you ever become close to me or someone that I think is important to me, or we'll go even farther and say that I am in love with, you bet your bottom dollar that ill do everything I can to treat you right. And that's not just my head talking, that's my heart to.

This Post..... Is long. Watch out

I haven't posted anything in a while and A LOT has happened since my last post so if this post seems arey and totally all over the place, just bare with me :)

I want to talk about memories and what is important to you and me.

What makes something important? What makes something a memory that you'll never forget?
These couple of questions have been going through my mind lately and I've always wanted to know why some things I will always remember and some things... Just slip my mind. And not just memories, but people also. And that's where I want to start.

I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL! I could not be more excited. I know tat high school was great and it was a huge part of my life, but I feel like I was ready to move on, meet knew people, discover me. I know that I am not even close to being ready to take on the world, but I know there is something out there for me. And I feel like there is a huge burden off my shoulders. No more worrying about popularity, going to school dances or trying to just get by and blend in. High school was there for us to discover who we want to be, not to define us. And now, I am off to new adventures and a new life.

These past two weeks have been just as exciting, if not more. I am finally 18, and now can get arrested for doing stupid things;) but also, I am going on a mission, as you all know, and I had the wonderful wonderful opportunity to become an Elder and go through the temple. These experiences were absolutely amazing. I have been so happy and I can see how blessed I have been, there is no doubt in my mind that this amazing church is true. It makes me sooo excited to serve that mission that I have been waiting my whole life for and to watch others experience this same kind of happiness.

So these were the big moments and memories that went on, but now I want to talk about a small one, but that I will never forget.

I had one of the best nights in my life ( that I can remember) on Thursday night. And now, I am a partier and I do crazy things, but this, may have been one of the most simple nights of my life as well. So when you're graduated and you have nothing to do with yourself, you reach absolute boredom. It's bad. And so when you finally get the chance to actually interact with another human, suddenly it's like that's the only thing that matters in life and it feels like you're on top of the world. (Hey!.... If no one gets this reference, be ashamed)  so I finally got to hang out that night and boy, I... Cannot find the word that most describes it other than 'very enjoyable' I was taken to someone's secret/not hiding/thinking place and we talked for hours and never once did I want to leave nor was I bored. It was a perfect night and it seemed just that wonderful summer feel. As you can tell, I'm not being very specific, and that's on purpose. If you'd really like to know everything that happened, come talk to me. But I won't say everything. Because this moment I had with this person, I felt was special, to both of us. And I want it to be just for us:) so to sum it up: imagine the perfect most relaxing thing and then with someone that means something to you, and then times that by 10, and that's what this night was :)

Now I know this post is super long and if you're still reading, you must love me or just want to know the inside scoop ony life. Well I will keep this part brief: memories are great. We'll remember them forever. But it's certain objects or even people that spark our memories and feelings in that moment. I have met a lot of people and some I have had a special connection with. Recently, I have felt something that I haven't felt, ever. And this feeling cannot be ignored. I wish I could fully describe this feeling that I am feeling. But I will say this: when you meet someone and you can act your complete self around them, and you feel so secure and trusting and it seems like time stops when you're with them and it's like everyday is better when you see them and makes you so very happy and when it seems like you don't have to try, everything just flows and fits with eachother.... That is special. One of a kind folks. And you never want to lose that. Because that's Love, in my opinion. So do everything you can to hold on to that, even if you'll only be with them for 40 more days. Those days may be the last ever, or maybe be worth it later. Hold on to what you care for. And show you care for it. Actions speak louder than words

And so, sorry for my very in depth and deep post today folks. I am somtimes dramatic and when I get in the mind set, it seems like I could write a Jane Austin novel or a become an old man telling his grand kids 'well when I was your age...' Stories. Thanks for reading readers. Love sometimes is bittersweet. But not if you cherish it and always remember the memories.

History somehow always repeats itself

History always repeats itself, if it's war, stock market crashing, Taylor swifts break ups, etc. But all jokes aside, I have had a history, that hurts a lot and a lot of bad things have happened to me, one thing in particular. But I never thought it would happen again. 

So there was this girl, and we just were best friends, all through jr high. We seriously were so close it was crazy. Then this one time, she showed her affection towards me, and something sparked. Suddenly, the tables flopped and we were something a lot more. It wasn't healthy, it wasn't good. We depended way too much on each other, me especially. Then one day, she decides to call it quits. I felt pain I've never felt before. I never thought it would happen. My whole world just crashed and it was not the place anyone should be.

I decided then and there that I would never let that happen again. No one should get that close to me, especially a girl and I wouldn't let myself be hurt again

But I was wrong

This time it was different. We had, what I thought, was something special. It was fun. Everything seemed more enjoyable when she was around. We had awesome memories. It just felt.. Right.

But I was wrong. She wasn't totally invested in it, didn't want to ruin our friendship, and felt more like living in the moment and wanted to have more fun. Now anything is ruined from both sides. The way both of us has handled it is terrible and she seems to be even better off now without me.

I care too much about people, I have high expectations, and I am a believer in love. So that's what got me to here: in a similar position as my soph year, but now... I have to learn from the past. I just wish it didn't have to be this way. I gave too much for this happen. The only thing I can say is now I have to move on

I always have to give advice, so here is mine: whenever someone hurts you so bad that the emotional pain is physical, just remember that no matter how alone you feel, there will always be people you can count on. That person will never understand how bad they hurt you, no matter how much you try to tell them or what you say to them. And they'll forget about you and move on just like that. Your job is to just keep your head high, and show them that they don't own you, and that just like what they're doing, you can move on too. It'll take time, but it's for the better.

Love is strengthen the most when we go through tragedies

Love is amazing. It is one of the most unexplainable things. You feel like your heart is out of your chest, so vulnerable and weak. And yet, love is caring about someone and how they are doing every single day. Love is wanting the best for someone and hoping that they do their best wether it be a dance concert, a test, or a game. Love is being someone's best friend and making memories and just, making life more enjoyable and also bearable. But, to love someone, you also have to go through hard times and challenges. And for some reason, that's what brings you the closest to that person. Recently, at my school, we had our first suicide. It has been such a hard time for everyone, especially he people closest to. I, believe it or not, know how it feels, to basically feel alone and have that much heartache in your heart. It really is so hard and ou never see the future or who actually loves and cares about you, because you are circled in doubt. When things happen like this, you can only wonder, could I have done something to help? Did I do everything I could to help? It's just hard. And this is my message to you readers: don't ever, ever think that there is no one that cares for you or understands you. There is always someone waiting for us, to just open up and to listen to our problems. We just have to let them in. And for those other people, just cherish the relationships you have and enjoy that love you have for others. Express it every chance you can, in whatever way. Don't push others that love for you and care for you away. They just want the best for you. And you never know, your words or actions may forever have a lasting impact on someone.

Insecurities.... Will Crush you

Insecurities are terrible. They are one of those things that are pretty much inevitable in high school. You compare yourself to the most popular person, the most attractive, the best at a certain sport or instrument and you ask yourself "Why can't I be that good?'

Well... I'm here, as a seasoned high school student, to say, you are good enough for who you are now

High school is a bunch of kids put into one confinement to basically battle out life together and some how figure out who you are in the process. High school will test you so much, in your first 18 years, they will be your greatest years and hardest. This is the one thing that you have to learn now and keep trying to learn it everyday. To say: I am happy who I am, I know I can be better, but I know I can become even better. And I know my strengths and weaknesses. I have had to learn this the hard way. I have had challenges and hard things happen to me that ultimately, I deserved, but it just didnt work out. But now, I look back on it, I am 100X a better person than if those things I didnt experience happened.

Dont let your peers, teachers, friends, or whatever challenges dictate what person you want to become or who you are. You are good enough, you are the best (insert name here). No one else can be like you. So continue to make that person better.

Alright so.. Two posts in less than 2 mins, I know. Don't judge me. But once you have that creative juice flowing, you can't stop it! But today, was just a fantastic day. Just because I got to spend time with the people I love the most. I love these perfect days, when you feel that the world can't stop you and you just think you can dunk it from the free throw line or kiss a girl in the rain right in front of her house. Well, neither of those things happened, sadly, but I still attempted. Other than those two things, this day=perfect. I know ill have those bad days coming up and that not every day will be like this, but I can look back on this day and say hey, those days are up ahead, just keep pushing through. :)

Life, is..... Every single word you can think of. It's happiness, sadness, hopelessness, more words with  ness in them, and just bought everything. But what I've realized in the little time I have been on this earth, is that, your attitude and the people that around you everyday in your life, are everything. I recently have just been thinking, a lot more than I usually do, and wow, I seriously have the most amazing friends. I couldn't ask for better. A day hasn't gone by when I haven't been able to crack a joke with one, or one of us makes eachother smile. It honestly is the greatest feeling to be in the arms of friendship, shout out to my boy Dobby in Harry potter for that line. But I just want to say this, to my closest friends and the ones I am especially close to that are reading this, thank you. Thank you so much for the memories and for just being there for me when I needed it the most. Thank you for honestly letting me, into your life. You mean more than you ever will.